Welcoming and Celebrating Everything that arises within Us
Effortless IFS is a celebration of our inherent peace, love, and fulfillment while welcoming and embracing anything that obscures it.
Hey there, start here!
Hi and welcome to Effortless IFS. I’m Sid, the author behind what you’ll find here. Below is an outline for navigating this site. If you have any suggestions or questions, don’t hesitate to reach out!
- Keep scrolling for short video introductions to EIFS and text intro to the Tipping Points.
- See Movie Clips for a fun collection of movie highlights as an entertaining introduction to healing and abiding in peace, love and fulfillment through EIFS. For more pop culture bridges, see EIFS movie commentaries under Learn more.
- For a playful longer intro yet dated, enjoy the Awareness Explorers’ interview at bottom for a full experience of the EIFS 3 Views and a guided dance party meditation through the 10 Primary Tipping Points.
- For an intro to our greater Facebook community, enjoy the welcome video from Sid and Laura at page bottom.
- See Learn more page for dozens of experiential EIFS videos.
- Add your email at bottom to receive invitations to weekly no-cost Zoom workshops and dance parties.
- Click Join box for an invitation to the IFS Nondual Community on Facebook of which I co-host
- For the latest EIFS videos, as many of the website’s videos have become dated, visit https://www.youtube.com/@EffortlessIFSwithSidFriedman.
Featured Videos
Learn the basics of EIFS with Sid in these short videos including introductions, the 10 Tipping Points, Freedom from stress and anxiety, Puppets helping us hear longing, EIFS for Romantic Relationships, Athletes and Artists, a Rumi’s Guest House experience, Further deepening into Self, Demo of all 10 Tipping Points, and Byron Katie and EIFS.
Intro to EIFS
If you found yourself suddenly with Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Lion and Toto following the Yellow Brick Road in search of your fulfillment — your home, brian, heart, nerve, etc…– what would your word be representing your fulfillment to add to the song and quest? In EIFS, we celebrate realizing fulfillment through both experience and through the Self qualities or qualities of fulfillment that are ever-present as your intrinsic Self. 12/20/23 WOZ video #2
This is a long playful experiential introduction. Buckle your seat belt and I hope you enjoy the ride. 2/2/24
How are you?: Realizing, as you respond to this question in the moment, that you are either identified as Self or a part, the sky or weather, beingness or mind, speaking for or from a part. Updating to the discernment in each moment as to whether you are responding predominantly from Self or a part, being Self or a part.
You and your parts are never alone: Realizing that at least one flavor or quality of Self is always present. Discerning your personal default qualities of Self. Updating to the ever-presence of Self.
Simultaneous awareness of multiple parts: Shifting from awareness of one part to simultaneous awareness of two or more parts. Recognizing that when two parts are known in simultanteous awareness that blending with a part becomes difficult, and instantly suffering dramatically decreases. Updating to habitual simultaneous awareness of parts.
Parts welcomed home by ever-present background Self: Recognizing how your parts experience Self and finding your personal Parts-to-Self Metaphor for how your system is able to be simultaneously aware of multiple parts (foreground) as well as ever-present Self (background). Our most popular metaphors so far are parts “Soaking in Infinite Hot Tub of Self”, as “Planets Arising in Galaxy of Self”, or as “Waves of the Ocean of Self”, where your parts are being loved, healed, spontaneously unburdened and welcomed home effortlessly by Self. Updating to the knowing that Self is always here welcoming parts home.
Riding the Self bike: Discerning more subtly the contrasting nature of Self to parts where, like somatically learning to ride a bike, the system effortlessly learns to rest more in balance abiding in or as Self. Discerning Self as the absence of lack and resistance and thus is fulfillment. Discerning burdened parts as essentially having a subtle lack, resistance or wanting. Updating to more consistent abiding as Self or Self leadership.
Hearing the longing: Hearing, knowing or listening effortlessly for what your parts are really wanting or longing for such as acceptance, safety, love, to be heard, flow, ease, and connection. Updating to hearing the longing.
Fulfillment is here now: Realizing that what your parts are longings for can be found in your intrinsic nature of Self. Updating to fulfilment is always available here now.
Intimacy and capacity: Noticing how intimate are you with your parts, the current capacity for effortless intimacy with particular parts, and the inseparable nature of intimacy. Updating into intimacy, inseparableness, and capacity awareness.
All is of Self: Zooming out, zooming in or through intimacy knowing all parts, all arisings, all thoughts, feelings and sensations, and everything is of Self. Updating to all is of Self.
Knowing Innocence, Beauty and Perfection: Recognizing the innocence, beauty and perfection of all parts. This opening towards all is of beauty and fulfillment (aka Dance of Lila) also highlights the ever-more subtle expressions of “what remains” which can still obscure depths of Self and has yet to be fully welcomed home. Please replace these three descriptive words with what for you best represents Self and most importantly has no opposite. This tipping point underlies and informs all of EIFS as it is a celebration of you and your parts just as you are in its loving what is. Updating to loving what is.
In our groups we often use the image of Rumi’s Guest House and our parts as guests being welcomed and loved. Some friends recently spoke of their Guest House as haunted which has become our latest EIFS theme in seeing, welcoming and loving our ghosts, our exiles. Does this image work for your system or maybe too scary? Can you remember visiting haunted houses on Halloween as a kid Did you ever go through the haunted house 2 or 3 times and start to see that what had prevously scared or terrorfied you was just a kid wearing a mask working for minimum wage having fun?
Intruction and demo to hearing the underlying longing beneath the expression of every part. Shares Nonviolent Communication (NVC) aspect of EIFS and no NVC background is needed.
Introducing each of the 10 Tipping Points with Corey sharing how they live in his system and how they have and are opening. May you enjoy this celebration. This is one of my favorite recordings. 12/22/23
Let’s make this all real. How can EIFS support us in our daily lives. We find all 10 tipping points within the context of supporting remaining in the love, connection, intimacy and bliss of romantic relationships and for remaining in flow for atheletes and artists.
When we place EIFS within the context of a game or play to give some parts a break and explore what occurs, what do you find. In this video, we dive into a few “games”
In this experiential video, you are invited to notice what remains in you to be healed, welcomed home, to realize that fulfillment is here now.
The vertical core of EIFS: -Blended -Riding the bike of Being: Discerning Self from parts -The Infinite Hot Tub: Effortlessly welcoming all parts Home -All is of Self: Touching the field of inseparable Self -Simultaneous Awareness: The marriage of masculine and feminine, the Tao of IFS, the emptiness and fullness, the IFS particle and wave in the dance of Self, love and stillness.
Dive with us here into a Rumi’s Guest House Experience through EIFS.
Exploring how Katie’s subtle discernments support our unbending, healing and Self abidance.
What burdens, remnants of past difficulties and contractions, or rocks we carry in our backpack are you aware of? Can you feel protective parts that keep you from seeing or feeling your contractions? What allows the protectors to relax? How intimate are you with your contractions?
What if EIFS was exclusively about your relationship? What if your objective rather than abiding Self-Leadership was abiding intimacy, love and bliss with your partner?
What is Effortless IFS?
Effortless Internal Family Systems (EIFS) is an awareness practice for celebrating everything that arises in us, for healing our contractions and fears, and for deeply knowing the fulfillment inherent in our nature. It is a marraige of IFS, Nonviolent Communication, and understandings from wisdom traditions designed to complements our more active favorite healing and spiritual practices including Classic IFS. To participate in our no-cost Zooms, no prior IFS or EIFS experience is needed. Join us anytime.
In EIFS, our celebrating, healing and deepening occurs concurrently on three levels:
- The first level, called the PLAYING FIELD, is where we experience healing and deepening intimacy as Self through the 3 EIFS views-- see dropdown below.
- The second level, called our TIPPING POINTS, is where our parts and our systems effortlessly update or learn -- see Tipping Points dropdown below or Tipping Points (TP) videos above.
- The third level, called LOVING WHAT IS, is the recognition of the innocence, beauty and perfection of life and of EIFS as a pathless path where nothing needs to change as fulfillment and home is Here Now.
Explore EIFS in depth
Click to expand the headings below and learn more about the cornerstones of EIFS.
The Playing Field consists of moving amongst the 3 EIFS Views:
1st View — RIDING THE BIKE OF BEING: We practice discerning Self (aka Being) from parts (such as peace from resistance, fulfillment from lack, beingness from mind) and establish a sanctuary or home here and now in or as Self. Similar to coming to know balance while riding a bike, by intimately knowing the contrasting nature of Self and parts, there is a finding of balance in abiding in or as Self. We are clarity and discernment.
2nd View — RUMI’S GUEST HOUSE OR THE INFINITE HOT TUB: Once Self is known as ever-present, we effortlessly welcome all arisings using either of two methods. In the first method, you will discover your unique Self-to-Parts Metaphor. For example, you might know Self as a guest house, an infinite hot tub, the galaxy, or a warm womb. Your metaphor aids in maintaining inclusive awareness of multiple parts and of the field of Being in which parts arise from and soak in. Here parts effortlessly find acceptance, welcoming and love. The second method entails hearing what each part truly longs for and realizing that the longings can be directly met and fulfilled by Self qualities that are always intrinsically here. Through either method, effortless healing, unburdening, and returning home to Self occurs. We Self welcoming parts home.
3rd View — ALL PARTS ARE OF SELF INCLUDING ME: We recognize all parts as fundamentally of and inseparable from Self. This clarity is often accompanied by somatic experiences such as joy, oneness, love and bliss. We are Self. _________________________________________________________________________________
A MORE DETAILED MAP OF THE 3 PRIMARY VIEWS AS 8 PERSPECTIVES
- ORDINARY BLENDED MIND: From here, we often speak as, move as, and identify as blended parts. From this parts perspective, we are often seeking relief, peace, love and fulfillment through future experience and rarely just rest in fulfillment. We are of want, lack, desire or aversion.
- HOW ARE YOU?: We notice what arises inside to answer “How are you?”. We recognize and celebrate the expressions of our precious humanity–our thoughts, feelings and sensations–which we come to know as our parts. This is a shift from blended mind to subtle awareness in recognizing and celebrating all arising parts from Self. Before they can be welcomed or found to be transparent, the parts must first be recognized. We are celebration.
- RIDING THE BIKE OF BEING VIEW: We practice discerning Self (aka Being) from parts (such as peace from resistance, fulfillment from lack, beingness from mind) and establish a sanctuary or home here and now in or as Self. Similar to coming to know balance while riding a bike, by intimately knowing the contrasting nature of Self and parts, there is a finding of balance in abiding in or as Self. We are clarity and discernment.
- RUMI’S GUEST HOUSE OR THE INFINITE HOT TUB VIEW: Once Self is known as ever-present, we effortlessly welcome all arisings using either of two methods. In the first method, you will discover your unique Self-to-Parts Metaphor. For example, you might know Self as a guest house, an infinite hot tub, the galaxy, or a warm womb. Your Self-to-Parts Metaphor aids in maintaining inclusive awareness of multiple parts and of the field of Being in which parts arise from and soak in. Here parts effortlessly find acceptance, welcoming and love. The second method entails hearing what each part truly longs for and realizing that the longings can be directly met and fulfilled by Self qualities that are always intrinsically here. Through either method, effortless healing, unburdening, and returning home to Self occurs. We are Self welcoming parts home.
- SELF-LEADERSHIP: Living from where one’s inner background and foreground have reversed to Self as foreground and parts as background, or Self is at least 51% of the system, or parts have restored their trust in Self. Here, systemic reharmonization seems to occur. We are identified more as Self.
- ALL PARTS ARE OF SELF INCLUDING ME VIEW: We recognize all parts as fundamentally of and inseparable from Self. This clarity is often accompanied by somatic experiences such as joy, oneness, love and bliss. We are only Self.
- SIMULTANEOUS AWARENESS: Parts arise of Self. Emerging out the realization that everything is of Self, this perspective encompasses simultaneous awareness as the Human and Being, foreground and background, form and emptiness, or the feminine and masculine — referred to as Shiva and Shakti in India, co-arising as the inseparable pair. This perspective is the embodied identification as parts, as precious expressions of life and aliveness, while being pervasive, ever-present Self. We are the co-arising Tao of parts and Self.
- SELF-LED LOVING FLOW: We are alive innocence, beauty and perfection with no opposites nor foreground background distinctions. We are loving flow.
From observations of colleagues, friends and my own inner world along the journey, the Tipping Points below emerged as pivotal moments of realization, often leading to profound shifts in healing and Self-abidance. The Ten Primary EIFS Tipping Points are the core of the model. As always in EIFS, the focus is not on EIFS concepts but rather on your personal experience. As such, as you read the below list, I encourage you to reflect on your personal journey and consider if any of these Tipping Points resonate with your healing and Self embodiment. From your life, what would be your Primary Tipping Points?
The Ten Primary EIFS Tipping Points
- How are you?: Recognizing, in the moment of response to this question, that you are either identified as Self or a part, the sky or weather, beingness or mind, speaking for or from a part while celebrating the ever-more subtle diverse expressions of your life that we label as parts. Updating discernment in each moment as to whether you are responding predominantly from Self or a part.
- You and your parts are never alone: Realizing that at least one aspect of Self is always present. Discerning and sinking into your personal default qualities of Self. Updating to the ever-presence of Self.
- Riding the bike of Being: Discerning more subtly the contrasting nature of Self and parts where, like somatically learning to ride a bike, the system effortlessly learns to rest more in “balance” abiding in or as Self. Ever-more knowing of Self as the absence of lack and resistance or as fulfillment and burdened parts as essentially having a subtle lack, resistance or wanting. Updating to more balance as Self and subtler Self-abidance.
- Simultaneous awareness of multiple parts: Transitioning from awareness of one part to simultaneous awareness of two or more parts. Recognizing when two or more parts are known simultanteously that blending with a part becomes difficult, resulting in a significant reduction in suffering instantly. Updating to habitual simultaneous awareness of parts.
- Rumi’s Guest House — Parts welcomed home by ever-present Self: Recognizing how your parts experience Self and finding your personal Parts-to-Self Metaphor for how your system is able to be simultaneously aware of multiple parts (foreground) as well as ever-present Self (background). Our most popular metaphors so far are parts “Soaking in Infinite Hot Tub of Self”, as “Planets Arising in Galaxy of Self”, or as “Waves of the Ocean of Self”, where parts are being loved, healed, spontaneously unburdened and welcomed home effortlessly by Self. Updating to parts experiencing more the ever-presence of Self welcoming them home.
- Hearing the longing: Effortlessly hearing, knowing or listening for what your parts are really wanting or longing for such as acceptance, safety, love, to be heard, flow, ease, and connection. Updating to effortlessly hearing the longing.
- Fulfillment is here now: Realizing that what your parts are longing for can be found in your intrinsic nature of Self. Updating towards fulfillment is always available here now.
- Intimacy with all arisings and current capacity: Noticing how intimate you are with each arising part from a perspective that healing might ultimately be just about “intimacy with” while recognizing and honoring your current capacity for intimacy before your protective parts intervene with feelings or thoughts of overwhelm or too much, moving you away or other gestures of distancing. Updating to noticing degree of intimacy with parts and the relation to and honoring of current capacity.
- All is of Self including me: Knowing all parts, all arisings, thoughts, feelings, sensations, and everything is of Self. This may open to I am Self. Updating to all is of Self including me.
- Knowing Innocence, Beauty and Perfection: Recognizing the innocence, beauty and perfection inherent in you, life and all parts. This Tipping Point underlies and informs all of EIFS as it is a celebration of you and your parts as perfection and an embodiment of “loving what is”. (Innocence, beauty and perfection are used here as descriptives that have no opposites.) Updating to loving what is.
Additional EIFS Tipping Points
- What Remains: Responding enthusiastically to the recognition that any inability to perceive innocence, beauty, and perfection stems from parts that have yet to be welcomed home, prompting an ongoing adventure of embracing and adoring what remains. Updating to the enjoyment in discovering and welcoming what remains.
- Here Now: Knowing the peace, love, causeless ok-ness, sanctuary or home (whatever your descriptive) that is accessible for you Here Now. For some, “Here Now” (or your version) becomes like clicking Dorothy’s metaphorical ruby slippers to know the presence of home. Updating to knowing Here Now.
- The Universal Human Being Tuning Fork: Resonating with the parts and Self qualities of others as if you are a resonant tuning fork of our shared Human experiences and Beingness. Updating to a shared human being experience.
- The Clenched Hand: Recognizing that the perpetuation of burdens requires a holding, resistance or clenching. Once seen, some find an option just to release the grip. Updating to seeing what sustains burdens.
- The Reclining Chair of Parts and Self: Recognizing the choice between leaning forward into the foreground of parts (human aliveness) or reclining into the background of the Self (timeless Being), and enjoying the options while finding your optimal chair position, balance or ratio of parts and Self. Updating to enjoyer of positions and empowered chooser of your unique balance or chair position of parts and Self.
- Conflict Resolution: Recognizing any inner conflict, stress, anxiety or tension is derived from parts being met by other parts rather than from Self. Self has no resistance. Updating to discerning of the source of all inner tension.
- No Bad Parts: Recognizing the positive intent of all parts and that each part aspires to support and serve you. Updating to “No bad parts”.
- Not Mine: Discerning ancestral, cultural and unattached burdens as not mine. Finding some liberation by recognizing certain internal shoulds, charges, and responsibilities as originating from external sources and thus not mine. Updating to liberation from that which is not mine.
- The Haunted House: Recognizing this that scares us are often just children wearing masks playing their roles in the haunted house experience. Once we can see the parts or children wearing masks playing a role, though sometimes it takes going through the haunted house experience a few times, everything changes. Updating to recognizing the haunted house game with patience and compassion.
- Dream EIFS: Opening to welcoming in dreamtime that which arises inside. Updating to activated Dream EIFS.
- Attachment Wounds: Identifying parts that didn’t get what they needed in their early years–the attachment wound– while supporting their fulfillment. Updating to recognizing, appreciating and supporting parts with attachment wounds.
- Exiles on a Shrine: Appreciating, loving and bowing to your exiles. Viewing your exiled parts as sacred or as treasures within. Updating towards seeing exiles as honored figures on a shrine.
- Burdened or Unburdened Part: Differentiating between parts carrying contraction, charge, or resistance and those in a state of ease and flow. Updating into more subtle discernment between burdened parts seeking relief and fulfillment and unburdened parts experiencing fulfillment and flow.
- The Heart of Darkness: Recognizing that intimacy with the depths or heart of “darkness” opens into or as the heart of love. Updating through intimacy to see through the “darkness”.
- Somatic EIFS: Knowing or representing your cosmos of parts as sensations arising within the somatic field of Self, aka your body. Updating to parts as sensations arising within and welcomed home by your somatic field of Self.
- Including Death: Being aware of death and the fear it evokes in parts. Updating to include and integrate death.
- X-ray Vision: Developing x-ray vision to perceive the shame or fear of your vulnerable exiles underlying protector reactions in you and others. Updating to seeing beneath to the vulnerable exile within.
- Loving What Is: Do you perceive beauty, perfection and fulfillment or do you want something to be different? Updating to more knowing the fulfillment and perfection of What Is, the Now, or Reality.
- EIFS is a non-doing awareness practice: It is an exploration of healing, Self-abidance, celebrating “what is” from a sense of Self exclusively as Being/Wave (with an absence of doing/agency) designed to complement more active healing and spiritual practices including Classic IFS.
- Shifting from attention on a single part to Simultaneous Awareness of multiple parts.
- From clarity, there is hearing of parts’ underlying longings: Rather than meeting or responding to parts’ stories and wants, there is listening for what the parts truly long for and allowing that longing to evoke the longed for Self quality.
- Parts and the system gradually realize that Self is fulfillment and is the parts primary source of attachment: After seeking fulfillment incessantly from experiences, relationships and substances, parts and the system slowly update to knowing and finding attachment and fulfillment primarily from your ever-present Self qualities. This recognition of finding primary attachment in Self is shared with Classic IFS with EIFS merely highlighting it differently.
- Three simultaneous unburdening “views”: 1) Abiding in or as Self, 2) Parts coming home through either one’s Self-to-Parts Metaphor or the system listening for and fulfilling the parts’ underlying longing, and 3) Knowing Self in the essence of all parts.
- Healing polarities (aka parts stuck in yes/no, should/shouldn’t, want/don’t want): When both poles are viewed simultaneously from a zoomed out simultaneous awareness perspective, charged polarities often have difficulty maintain their charge or burden.
- Healing occurs effortlessly from background ever-present Self: When Self is realized as ever-present and multiple parts are known through simultaneous awareness, healing, unblending and spontaneous unburdening can happen 24/7 in the background to complement one’s active healing and spiritual work.
In EIFS, we often begin with the Classic IFS 8 C’s of Self qualities and explore as they expand and blossom in each of us into expanded Self qualities. Ultimately, we are interested in which Self quality or qualities are default present for each of our unique beings and especially which quality is most ever-present for each of us.
Examples of expanding and blossoming 8 C’s:
- Calm: opening into Peace, Relaxation, Stillness, Silence, Spaciousness, Emptiness…
- Compassion: opening into Warmth, Care, Seeing, Hearing, Tenderness, Kindness, Nurture, Acceptance, Welcoming, Love, Adoration…
- Connection: opening into Belonging, Unity, Oneness, Bliss…
- Clarity: opening into Knowing, Innocence, Absolution, Awe, Perfection …
- Curiosity: opening into Openness, Fascination, Intimacy, Devotion…
- Confidence & Courage: opening into Ok-ness, Safety, Harmony, Fulfillment…
- Creativity: opening into Flow, Ease, Play, Joy…
Testimonials
Here’s what some of the workshop participants have to say about EIFS. Please send in your feedback too and I’ll attach it below!
Sid & Laura inviting you to join us at the "IFS Nondual Community" Facebook group
Note to visitors
Dear colleagues and friends,
As I’m building much of this site on my own, I’m seeking community support in text editing, video editing and friends who would like to join the advisory group. From any visitor, I would enthusiastically welcome your thoughts, feedback, edits, suggested additions, collaborations, etc.
Thanks!
– Sid